Excellent Day

M'Lis wrap #3, lost 10.25 inches; finished taping off mom's basement for paint; got all of the laundry folded; practiced karate; played the wii *my life's goal is to make my mii thin again!* Was asked "Do you still love him?" & for the first time I could honestly answer "No, I don't". I'm Free!! Today I'm grateful for peace, serenity, clean sheets & the knowledge I have that I am worth more than to be a back up plan.

Nah Nah Mah

Click here to read an article about Nah Nah Mah in the Salt Lake Tribue


Kydrun's off to camp Nah Nah Mah! This is a 4 day camp for burn survivors so he can go be with kids who've survived the trauma of being burned like he has. He loves it and looks forward to it every year!!

Forgiveness

Emma posted on FB: "Love gives us the means to forgive and heal our pains, embrace and joyfully celebrate our authentic selves and accept and trust in the divinity of our lives. However, it is our own free will that determines when this occurs for each of us.

Kimberly Kerns Safford Do you believe this applies to those who have wronged or pained us as well? i.e. True LOVE (not necessarily the romantic type) for another person allows us to forgive and heal the pains they have caused in us ... ? Does that question make sense?

Emma Completely makes sense. And, yes, my experience is that unconditional love does exactly that. It is love that allows us to heal and forgive every pain--whether we cause the pain or someone else does.

A wise teacher who lived about 2000 years ago showed us how to love everyone--even those who cause us the most pain. His example is one I strive each moment to emulate. See More

Joanie I'm learning that loving and forgiving someone doesn't always mean that it works to have them in my life. A big lesson for me!

Emma To me, that is part of what it means to be unconditionally loving.

Kimberly Kerns Safford Joanie, thank you! That is what brought that up for me. My ex cheated on me multiple times yet I forgave him and forgave him and just couldn't stop loving him and I was torn because I DO love him and I DID forgive him but why wasn't it all working properly ... That's exactly why, just because I do love him and I did forgive him it doesn't mean it works to have him in my life .... THANK YOU! Major AhHA for me!

Joanie It's a huge lesson isn't it? You're welcome : )

Wow... For some reason the word "Forgiveness" has really been in my face today. I snagged a little purple beanie baby bear from my mother with a silver heart on it's chest that says "70 X 7". The note on his hand, the scriptural reference from Matthew 18:21: ..."Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" "No!" Jesus replied, "seventy times seven!" ... This little bear has been perched beside my computer monitor for 2 days now and I look at it often. I hadn't figured why I grabbed it from mothers, why it struck a cord with me. I have always prided myself on my ability to forgive those who I have deemed have 'wronged' me in some way. I am not a grudge holder mostly because I am simply too lazy for the effort a grudge takes. This said, however, there are those whom I have held grudges against with little to no intention of forgiveness. One of the people whom I hold a grudge against is dead and I still hate her. But I digress off of my original train of thought. Forgiveness. Why is this ringing in my ear so strongly right now? I have forgiven Will for all he did and put me through in our marriage and after it. This statement from my friend Emma got me thinking that because I have always loved Will it was easy to forgive him for all he did. But is that just blindness?

I don't really know where I'm going with this. That statement from Emma, and the follow up from Joanie really struck something in me. I forgave him because I love him. It actually makes me angry, THAT is the feeling I'm having right this moment, anger. It makes me angry that I loved him enough to forgive him, but he didn't love me enough to not hurt me in the first place.

Additionally, reading that quote makes me realize that I do not love MYSELF enough to forgive ME for all that I have done wrong in my life.

Hope Not!

LOVE this statement! It made me laugh: When your ex says "you will never find anyone like me" you reply "God I sure hope not..."

Water Damage

Oi the joy of children! Kydrun and Brylin put my mother's hose in the window well. When they went to bed they discovered the food storage room, laundry room, hallway, bathroom, my dad's room and my mom's room were flooded, totally soaked. Today we got to go over and clean it all up. My sister and my niece went over to help us and with all of us working it took us 6 hours. My mother is a hoarder. I don't care what she says. It's not super severe, like you see on TV, but it's bad enough!! Oh Kids!!

Continued Success

Went to Weight Watchers again ... lost another 2.6lbs!! Go me! WOOT! Really been struggling trying to get up to my points target. Sherry is frustrated with me because she struggles to get DOWN to her points everyday. It's been helpful remembering my mantra, JUST GIVE ME A YEAR! when I think of these small victories over myself. It's only 2lbs, but it's 2lbs!! I'm that many lbs closer to freedom, to myself, to the me I want to be!!

Babies

I hit a milestone. I got to go over and hold my friend Coral's baby today. She was in need of some formula and I had randomly gotten a box of formula in the mail. When I held that sweet little muffin of hers with her cute little fingers and toes and her pretty eyes and the sweet baby sounds she made ... I had absolutely NO desire to have another child, ever. I always was afraid to hold babies because I was afraid it would awaken that "baby-hungry" monster that seems to live inside all women. Well, my monster must have died because I am not the least bit. It almost made me sad but mostly, I think I felt relief. My baby is almost 6, I just can't imagine adding an infant. It also made me sure that while I do not have any desire to give birth again and have an infant, I have absolutely no problems loving someone elses children. I worry about this, as a single mother now that wants to be remarried. It is likely, highly, that I will marry someone with kids. I have no problem with this, I don't mind the idea of it at all I just simply have no desire to have more children of my own. It was an interesting realization to me. My ex's girlfriend wants to have kids, she's in her early 30's and mentions it frequently. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but when I got to hold Haven today ... I just say "All the more power to ya!" This also opened my eyes a bit more to the dating pool I must choose from. Given that I am absolutely uninterested in having more children, I must select carefully from the men who already have children, wouldn't mind loving mine but don't want any more of their own. It's so strange to know this about myself ... I always look at the cute little pink baby clothes at the store and go "Awww!" but really, that's just because I'm a girl, not because I want to stuff a wriggly pink pile of fluff into it! Good for me, another milestone.