Saturday, July 31, 2010
Karate!!
Just got back from my first karate class ... O.M.G!! I'm pretty sure the instructor, who is all of 17, was trying to kill me. I was pleasantly surprised when I entered the mat that I was not the oldest in the class and no one even seemed to notice I was there. I was sweating almost immediately ... AWESOME!! Can't wait for Wednesday!!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wii
So... according to the Wii I'm obese, no kidding. It even made my mii fat! I have a BMI of 38ish and my "wii fit age" which is based on my real age, weight, height, balance is 45!! EEK! Jade was 24, Kydrun 27 and Brylin 30!! She falls into the "underweight" catagory on that thing (she is underweight, she's tiny!) so I guess that's why it thinks she's 30. I've done a couple of workouts on it, just played a step game and a hula hoop game and it really worked up a sweat! I'm so thrilled with it! So worth the investment for SURE!
However, to trust the wii weight or to not trust the wii weight is the question. According to the wii, I'm down to almost 232, which is a 6lb difference. It makes me nervous believing that because what if when I got to WW on Tuesday, I'm only down another 2? Talk about crestfallen!
But for now, I love the wii.
Took the kids to play at Hollywood Connection tonight. We went skating, which worked up a sweat but I'm not sure if it was because it was hot or if it was because I was working my body. I walked around that rink about 100 times with the kids. Jade is getting SO good on her skates! I'm sure proud of her! She's set herself a goal of learning to skate. She's going to earn some money and buy herself some skates and then teach herself how! I absolutely LOVE that Jade does not quit at things she really wants. She's persistent!! I'm excited for her to continue to be successful, in skating, karate, school and everything else she does.
However, to trust the wii weight or to not trust the wii weight is the question. According to the wii, I'm down to almost 232, which is a 6lb difference. It makes me nervous believing that because what if when I got to WW on Tuesday, I'm only down another 2? Talk about crestfallen!
But for now, I love the wii.
Took the kids to play at Hollywood Connection tonight. We went skating, which worked up a sweat but I'm not sure if it was because it was hot or if it was because I was working my body. I walked around that rink about 100 times with the kids. Jade is getting SO good on her skates! I'm sure proud of her! She's set herself a goal of learning to skate. She's going to earn some money and buy herself some skates and then teach herself how! I absolutely LOVE that Jade does not quit at things she really wants. She's persistent!! I'm excited for her to continue to be successful, in skating, karate, school and everything else she does.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Marriage
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6
Karate!!
I am officially a White Belt in Karate! (Taekwondo actually!) The kids got a certificate for 2 months free and we just signed them up! The place we take them too "Personal Mastery Martial Arts" is over in Sandy on 20th East and the way they do billing is you pay for 2 and the rest are free, so Brylin, Will and I are free now that we're paying for Kydrun and Jade! :) LOVE IT! My first class is Saturday! EXCELLENT! The kids are so excited to teach me all that they know since they've had a couple of classes more than I have! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Firepole!
Will and I went over to Ron & Rolaynes again today to finish the side of the house. Got a lot done, I'm proud of us :) They paid us, which we weren't expecting and she paid me $220. WOW! I decided that I was going to use a bit of that money and buy myself a Wii Fit because I'd NEVER get one otherwise :) The rest of it went to pay my stupid tickets.
Went up to Emigration Canyon with my mom and the kids tonight. We went to a family friend, Eddie's firehouse. He's a firefighter paramedic and mom had to take something up there to him so we took the kids to give them a tour. Eddie showed the kids EVERYTHING. He let them play with a small firehose w/ a nozzel on it, showed them the weight room, all of the bits and places of the fire truck. He took us up to the living quarters where they were all (all 3 of them including Eddie) in the process of eating dinner. They showed us the firepole and asked for the first volunteer to go down. I was SO SURPRISED when NONE of my kids wanted to be the one to go down. Finally out of exasperation, Brylin said "I'll just do it!" and went down!! That of course showed the older two that if the baby can do it, they can do it to. THEN, after the three of them had done it the firemen said "Alright Mom, get on!" ODDLY, I didn't even hesitate! Normally, I'd of politely said Hell No but I don't do that anymore! I said "Alrighty then!" climbed on and went down and it was awful! HAHAHA!! I have no strength in my arms or hands, so I pretty much just flew down that pole and hit the floor with all of my weight. Thought I might have broken an ankle, or two!! But it was all good! They cheered me on, Eddie patted me on the back and I was so proud of myself I couldn't stand it!! After they each took a couple of turns down the pole, Eddie took us for a drive up the canyon in the fire truck!! We got to wear the Earphones that they use to hear over the truck and talk to each other, we could hear the radio announcing fires all over the valley. The kids thought they were the coolest things EVER! When we were getting ready to leave Eddie gave them each a hat, a book mark and a pencil and they were SURE they were the coolest things ever at that point! :) It was so fun!! I am so thankful that my "Oh no, not me" attitude is all gone. I'm all for doing new things and getting my life started!
Went up to Emigration Canyon with my mom and the kids tonight. We went to a family friend, Eddie's firehouse. He's a firefighter paramedic and mom had to take something up there to him so we took the kids to give them a tour. Eddie showed the kids EVERYTHING. He let them play with a small firehose w/ a nozzel on it, showed them the weight room, all of the bits and places of the fire truck. He took us up to the living quarters where they were all (all 3 of them including Eddie) in the process of eating dinner. They showed us the firepole and asked for the first volunteer to go down. I was SO SURPRISED when NONE of my kids wanted to be the one to go down. Finally out of exasperation, Brylin said "I'll just do it!" and went down!! That of course showed the older two that if the baby can do it, they can do it to. THEN, after the three of them had done it the firemen said "Alright Mom, get on!" ODDLY, I didn't even hesitate! Normally, I'd of politely said Hell No but I don't do that anymore! I said "Alrighty then!" climbed on and went down and it was awful! HAHAHA!! I have no strength in my arms or hands, so I pretty much just flew down that pole and hit the floor with all of my weight. Thought I might have broken an ankle, or two!! But it was all good! They cheered me on, Eddie patted me on the back and I was so proud of myself I couldn't stand it!! After they each took a couple of turns down the pole, Eddie took us for a drive up the canyon in the fire truck!! We got to wear the Earphones that they use to hear over the truck and talk to each other, we could hear the radio announcing fires all over the valley. The kids thought they were the coolest things EVER! When we were getting ready to leave Eddie gave them each a hat, a book mark and a pencil and they were SURE they were the coolest things ever at that point! :) It was so fun!! I am so thankful that my "Oh no, not me" attitude is all gone. I'm all for doing new things and getting my life started!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Progress!
Had my very first weigh-in at Weight Watchers! According to my initial weigh-in last Tuesday I was 240.2, tonight, I was 238.2!! BOOYA BABY! That's -2lbs and I am 100% successful!! *doing a jig in my chair* "go me, oh yeah, go me!"
I have to be honest about the weigh-in though. I was seriously crestfallen when she told me it was 2lbs. What SHE said was "Great job! You're down 2lbs this week!" What I heard in my head and said to myself was "Great, ONLY 2lbs this week!" WOW, what a monumental difference there is in those two sentences!! BUT, I decided to go right back to my JUST GIVE ME A YEAR! mantra and Damn Right Baby, I'm SUCCESSFUL!
Weight Watchers has been very, very difficult for me mentally. The way that it works is that I am allotted a certain number of "points" each day. Here's how you determine your points target:
1. What do you weigh?
Enter the first two digits of your weight in pounds. For example, if you weigh 175 enter 17.
2. Are you:
Female, enter 2
Male, enter 8
3. How old are you?
17-26....4
27-37....3
38-47....2
48-58....1
Over 58..0
4. How tall are you?
Under 5'1"......0
5'1" to 5'10"...1
Over 5'10"......2
5. How do you spend most of your working day:
Sitting down (office worker)......................0
Occasionally sitting but mostly standing (Mom)....2
Walking (postal worker)...........................4
Doing physically hard work(construction)..........6
Nursing mom's only
Are you solely breastfeeding...10
Supplementing w/bottles........5
Okay, so for me, this is what it looked like:
1. 24
2. 2
3. 3
4. 1
5. 2
Which adds up to 32 pts.
Here's where the challenge came in for me ... I do not eat 32pts worth of food. For instance, because I did so ridiculously bad last week, when I made my executive decision to eat cake for breakfast and lunch, I didn't even bother. The next day I was fasting because of my endoscopy, so I didn't track then either and I have no idea why I didn't do it on Friday, probably because I didn't eat at all that day. However, when I did track: Sat 7/24 I had 19pts, Sunday only 10.5, last night I did much better because I fixed a great dinner of grilled chicken AND I ate 4 banana's throughout the day without realizing that banana's are high pts I had 31.5, 9.5 of those were JUST the banana's so if I'd of not eaten them even with my good dinner, I'd still of only had just over 20pts. Most people are doing weight watchers because they're eating themselves to death. I'm doing it because I'm starving myself to death (but I weigh 240lbs ... weird). So now I'm forcing myself to eat 3 meals a day and a snack if I think I need it. It has been difficult for me to wrap my head around because I weigh 240lbs and I hardly eat ... what's going to happen now that I am "stuffing my face 3 times a day" ... I'm going to get HUGE. That's a mental road block I'm really struggling with. BUT, when I brought it up in the meeting tonight, the teacher in the class, who is a beautiful, thin, tall blonde said "When I came in here, I had over 100lbs to lose (and she showed pictures to prove it, I was shocked) and the ONLY thing I had to work with was FAITH. I had to have faith that it would work." Well, I can do Faith. So I eat! Just 3 meals a day gets me through and now that the medication is starting to kick in for my stomach, it's getting MUCH easier to eat too :)
Exercise has not been coming very easily but it's getting there. I walked to the hospital last night, but hadn't really done anything since. Today I went with Will over to Ron & Rolaynes to move a HUGE pile of firewood from the side of their house. I'd grab the wood, toss it to Will who would load it into the wheelbarrow. Once the wheelbarrow was full we'd go to the dog pen where we were putting it and I'd toss it out of the wheelbarrow to him. We did that in the heat for about 3.5-4hrs!! My arms are tired but really, my back is in agony. We're going back tomorrow to do some more! :)
I have to be honest about the weigh-in though. I was seriously crestfallen when she told me it was 2lbs. What SHE said was "Great job! You're down 2lbs this week!" What I heard in my head and said to myself was "Great, ONLY 2lbs this week!" WOW, what a monumental difference there is in those two sentences!! BUT, I decided to go right back to my JUST GIVE ME A YEAR! mantra and Damn Right Baby, I'm SUCCESSFUL!
Weight Watchers has been very, very difficult for me mentally. The way that it works is that I am allotted a certain number of "points" each day. Here's how you determine your points target:
1. What do you weigh?
Enter the first two digits of your weight in pounds. For example, if you weigh 175 enter 17.
2. Are you:
Female, enter 2
Male, enter 8
3. How old are you?
17-26....4
27-37....3
38-47....2
48-58....1
Over 58..0
4. How tall are you?
Under 5'1"......0
5'1" to 5'10"...1
Over 5'10"......2
5. How do you spend most of your working day:
Sitting down (office worker)......................0
Occasionally sitting but mostly standing (Mom)....2
Walking (postal worker)...........................4
Doing physically hard work(construction)..........6
Nursing mom's only
Are you solely breastfeeding...10
Supplementing w/bottles........5
Okay, so for me, this is what it looked like:
1. 24
2. 2
3. 3
4. 1
5. 2
Which adds up to 32 pts.
Here's where the challenge came in for me ... I do not eat 32pts worth of food. For instance, because I did so ridiculously bad last week, when I made my executive decision to eat cake for breakfast and lunch, I didn't even bother. The next day I was fasting because of my endoscopy, so I didn't track then either and I have no idea why I didn't do it on Friday, probably because I didn't eat at all that day. However, when I did track: Sat 7/24 I had 19pts, Sunday only 10.5, last night I did much better because I fixed a great dinner of grilled chicken AND I ate 4 banana's throughout the day without realizing that banana's are high pts I had 31.5, 9.5 of those were JUST the banana's so if I'd of not eaten them even with my good dinner, I'd still of only had just over 20pts. Most people are doing weight watchers because they're eating themselves to death. I'm doing it because I'm starving myself to death (but I weigh 240lbs ... weird). So now I'm forcing myself to eat 3 meals a day and a snack if I think I need it. It has been difficult for me to wrap my head around because I weigh 240lbs and I hardly eat ... what's going to happen now that I am "stuffing my face 3 times a day" ... I'm going to get HUGE. That's a mental road block I'm really struggling with. BUT, when I brought it up in the meeting tonight, the teacher in the class, who is a beautiful, thin, tall blonde said "When I came in here, I had over 100lbs to lose (and she showed pictures to prove it, I was shocked) and the ONLY thing I had to work with was FAITH. I had to have faith that it would work." Well, I can do Faith. So I eat! Just 3 meals a day gets me through and now that the medication is starting to kick in for my stomach, it's getting MUCH easier to eat too :)
Exercise has not been coming very easily but it's getting there. I walked to the hospital last night, but hadn't really done anything since. Today I went with Will over to Ron & Rolaynes to move a HUGE pile of firewood from the side of their house. I'd grab the wood, toss it to Will who would load it into the wheelbarrow. Once the wheelbarrow was full we'd go to the dog pen where we were putting it and I'd toss it out of the wheelbarrow to him. We did that in the heat for about 3.5-4hrs!! My arms are tired but really, my back is in agony. We're going back tomorrow to do some more! :)
Bed-Invader/Resolution
Bed-Invader had another night terror. Took me 10 mins to wake her up. She kept screaming & waving her hand "I'M RIGHT HERE!" When I finally got her awake she couldn't calm down & finally "I want Daddy!" I am eternally grateful for a Daddy who answers his phone at 2am on the... 2nd ring & calms his little girl down in two breaths. It's not ideal, but it's perfect for what it is. Thank you Will for being such a good Dad.
Despite how angry and frustrated I was at him, he's still a good dad. What he does on his time is none of mine (or anyone else's really) business and being without him here, and being in charge of my kids is my reality and I need to stop whining about it and deal with it. All of these years I've wanted him to rescue me, to discipline because I'm weak, fix things because I thought I lacked the ability. None of this true. I do not need him to rescue me, I do not need him to step in to discipline the kids and I can fix things on my own. In fact, expecting him to discipline them is highly unfair to him because when he comes over to see them, that's what ends up being their visits. I AM strong enough to do this with or without him. I am very, very blessed in that the relationship that Will and I have is as good as it is. We could fight, argue, hate each other, spew venom at every opportunity. But we don't. We enjoy being around each other because we are fairly good friends. I still harbor a lot of feelings, good and bad, and I believe he harbors some resentment he's not even sure he's carrying around. But for the most part, we don't fight in front of the kids, or about the kids, or about anything really, except money and we've been doing that since we got married so why change, eh? We can go places together with the kids, a luxery that not many people have in their divorce. The trick I need to learn is to suck it up when it gets hard and stop blaming him for it (even though it was his fault! ;))
Our difficult day ended beautifully. The kids got the house clean, WITHOUT HIM HERE, we rented a movie, popped popcorn and just had a nice quiet evening.
Despite how angry and frustrated I was at him, he's still a good dad. What he does on his time is none of mine (or anyone else's really) business and being without him here, and being in charge of my kids is my reality and I need to stop whining about it and deal with it. All of these years I've wanted him to rescue me, to discipline because I'm weak, fix things because I thought I lacked the ability. None of this true. I do not need him to rescue me, I do not need him to step in to discipline the kids and I can fix things on my own. In fact, expecting him to discipline them is highly unfair to him because when he comes over to see them, that's what ends up being their visits. I AM strong enough to do this with or without him. I am very, very blessed in that the relationship that Will and I have is as good as it is. We could fight, argue, hate each other, spew venom at every opportunity. But we don't. We enjoy being around each other because we are fairly good friends. I still harbor a lot of feelings, good and bad, and I believe he harbors some resentment he's not even sure he's carrying around. But for the most part, we don't fight in front of the kids, or about the kids, or about anything really, except money and we've been doing that since we got married so why change, eh? We can go places together with the kids, a luxery that not many people have in their divorce. The trick I need to learn is to suck it up when it gets hard and stop blaming him for it (even though it was his fault! ;))
Our difficult day ended beautifully. The kids got the house clean, WITHOUT HIM HERE, we rented a movie, popped popcorn and just had a nice quiet evening.
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