Pipe Dreams

It occurred to me today that I was robbed. At midnight last New Years, I got a kiss from my husband with the promise that we would spend the rest of the year together. Our divorce was final on December 24th. I got jipped out of 7 days.

Been having a hard time with Jade the last couple of days. I'm not sure what her deal is. I really feel like a failure as a parent most of the time because between them fighting and arguing and hitting each other I've got Jade who does absolutely NOTHING without a fight and Brylin who screams these horrible ear piercing screams constantly. I'm quite surprised no one has called DCFS yet. I think I'm mostly tired today, it's been a long year.

I'm starting a parenting strategies for single parents class on the 14th. I'm a bit nervous as I always get when I do something new like that. I don't like doing stuff alone. Last February I went and saw Lord of the Rings alone and enjoyed it, and I even took a cooking type class alone so this should be easy. I might meet some new people, and expand my "network". That would be nice.

Saturday is the first overnight time with the kids for Will. When he gets off work on Saturday evening and comes here, I'm going to leave. I think my friend Janice and I are going to go to Wiseguys for some good laughs and then I'm going to spend the night at my mom's and go to church on Sunday at my ward and then come home since they won't be here and take a good, long, well deserved Sunday afternoon nap.

I've set a goal for myself to read the entire Book of Mormon this year. I've already started. The kids and I have also started saying family prayer and I am teaching them to say their individual prayers. Last night they asked Heavenly Father to bring Daddy home. It made me sad.

Will came by last night. It was a good visit for he and the kids. He helped Kydrun put his new bike together. It makes me sad to see how weary he is. It might be my foolish optimism to think that he's just settling and that he wants to come home. I asked him about it and he said "I guess we'll see how things go". He's got a long ways to come before I'd consider reconciling but I'd be willing to stand by him through it if he's willing to do the work and prove that he's willing to sacrifice and be faithful. I've got my head in the clouds and I'm smoking a pipe dream I think.