Red

"Which color best suits your personality?" with the result You are Red!

Red people are passionate and fiery. You do everything with energy and vibrance. You probably have a bit of a temper, too. You are always up for an adventure, and you almost never get tired! You have an intensity that is hard for some people to stand, but your friends love it about you. You are probably very opinionated and loyal, jumping up to defend the ones you love when they need you. You can sometimes be a little rash - quick to make decisions without really considering the outcome. As a general rule, you follow your heart more than your head. You can be competitive, and are probably good at just about everything. You, in a nutshell: Passionate, energized, loyal, intense, competent, extroverted, adventurous. RED!

Growth

It's been a couple of weeks. It's been a very rocky couple of weeks. I'm sick of rocky.

Although Will and I were divorced in December, we were more "separated" than actually divorced. Until 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago he decided this girl he's been seeing is a serious thing. He cut me out entirely. Whenever we'd talk he was mean, and curt. He started to verbally abuse me because he was frustrated. It got to be difficult. I think the most difficult part was because he moved on years ago. He went through our divorce 4 years before we ever had it. He's perfectly fine being with and having feelings for someone else. For me, my divorce is only 3 weeks old. I'm a bit mad about it actually... I wish I'd of just done this in January and spent the last 6 months growing instead of going through the same pain over and over and over. It's rediculous.

But I'm growing. I've gotten more of a backbone now. I'm standing up for myself, establishing and working on enforcing better boundaries. I've really realized now that I am not in love with Will, I haven't been for a long time, but he's comfortable and it's easy. It's easy to be around him, it's easy to talk to him, it's just easy. Going out into the world is what is hard. Meeting new people is hard. The idea of falling in love again is hard. The quote I've heard a lot that comes to mind right now is "I Never Said It Would Be Easy, I Only Said It Would Be Worth It" - Jesus.

I guess this is the hard part and the worth it part is yet to come.

I started a new job yesterday at Intermountain Healthcare. I'm really excited about this. It's a good position, a good starting place for growth and expansion in my life. I have the opportunity to basically pick what shifts I want to work, and am able to ease back into the workforce that I have been out of for 5 years. When I was going for the interview that I was shocked I got, I sat in the car and prayed. I said "Lord, I do not want this job. I want to stay at home with the kids and I don't want to work. BUT if YOU want me to have this job, then you'll need to open my mouth, open my mind and get me this job." I went into the interview, I thought it went okay, a couple of things I thought I wouldn't get it for. They told me it would be Monday or Tuesday of the following week (my interview was on Monday). I got called on Wednesday offering me the position. Apparently one of the managers, my new manager, grabbed my sheet and told the other two interviewers that she wanted me ... I had the job before I even got to the elevators. I told the Lord, "Okay, you got me the job, now get me daycare." I started calling around and couldn't find anywhere that would be able to pick the kids up from school and keep them if I were to work a late shift. Then I made a call to my RS president, who knew of a woman who used to live in the ward but had recently moved. I called her and she can pick them up and keep them late. There's a couple of bumps in that road that I'm going to have to go over, but apparently this is what the Lord wants so I'm not overly worried about it. I'll do the footwork if he guides my steps. I also figured that since He's the one that wants me to have this job that I'd better do a phenominal job.

I'm excited to move on with my life. Meet new people, enjoy new things. I recently went to a dance and although I had a bit of trepidation when we first got there, I quickly was able to come out of it and had a fantastic time. Mandi makes me smile and I am so incredibly grateful for her friendship. She's such a good, genuine and pure person. I could only hope to be like her someday. I met some cute guys, learned some new dance moves (which I am terrible at) and just smiled, a lot.

I'm still in the refiners fire, but it isn't as uncomfortable anymore. I think I'm ready to listen now, to allow Him to mould me into what He needs me to be instead of resisting and thinking my way is best.

Kids

June 24, 2009
My matter-of-fact daughter Brylin came in and stated "Mom, can you sell Jade and get me a new sister?" I chuckled and said No, and she responded, again very seriously, "Why? Cause you growed her out of your tummy and no one else would want her?" Yep baby, that's why.

June 29, 2009
Brylin, while trying to learn to spell has started to speak in sounds. Cat is c-a-t with the sounds of letters rather than the names of the letters. She's standing here spelling words like d-a-d, h-a-t with their sounds. She spelled d-i-d-i-t and I said Did It? And she spelled it again. I didn't get it and she said the word, which sounded to me like Did It. I frustrated her and she said it slower and the word she was trying to spell was JESUS .. d-e-e-t-u-t. Her R's are still funny and her S's are still T's.

July 1, 2009
After getting out of the bath this morning, Brylin decided that streaking was the best way to dry off. I was finishing a movie I was too exhausted to finish last night. She came in and stood right in front of the tv in all her nakedness. I said "Brylin, get your naked butt out from in front of the tv and get some panties on." She kept her feet planted but turned her head just enough that I could see her eyes, stuck her bum out at me, reached around and spanked herself and said "Kiss my booty!" and then proceeded to shake said booty and laugh until she had tears in her eyes.

After her nakedness was clothed she wanted to play on the computer. The computer was acting up, so I had to come over and help her figure it out. She looked up from my chair and said "You're my favoritest Mom ever." I smiled and kissed her on her forehead and said "You're my favoritest Brylin ever." She look at me and said "You mean, daughter. I'm your favoritest DAUGHTER ever." Nice clarification there Munkey Face.

July 2, 2009
This morning while on the way to school Jade said "Mom, have I ever explained to you the way that it feels to retrieve information I rarely use from my brain?" I wasn't sure which to gawk at, her saying retrieve or the statement "information I rarely use" ... obviously being less eloquant then she, I just said "No?" She proceeded to explain: "When I need to retrieve information, it feels like I have little bugs in my brain that crawl around and stir my brain until they find the informaton they need. Then the little bugs feed the information to the part of my brain that I use and then they go rest." "Why bugs?" "I don't know mom, I don't know how the brain works."

July 7, 2009
Today Brylin showed me what appeared to be a mosquito bite. When I said "Oh, it's a mosquito bite" she said "No it's not, it's a mean lady bug bite. The mean lady bugs are black.

While Kydrun was trying to explain something to Jade she just didn't get it. He tried several times to get her to understand and finally he just sighed with his whole body, shook his head and said "You're hopeless Jade".