Frustration

As a parent, children are frustrating. As a child, parents are frustrating. But as a SINGLE parent, I think the frustration on both counts triples. There is a certain magic that I believe each parent has. In some ways, that magic is obvious like I'm the one who kisses the boo-boo's but Dad is the one who plays wrestle-mania on the bed. It's what endears our children to us. On the same token, the "Bad Mom" or "Bad Dad", meaning the dicisplinarian, also equals each other out. Where I am at either end of the spectrum, either too allowing or down right mean, Dad tempers that. And where Dad is the firm hand, I soften that. But, as a single parent, there is no one there to temper things. I don't play wrestle-mania on the bed, I don't have the firm hand to make the kids listen and am afraid to get down right mean so I don't ... therefore, I'm the boring mom who won't play that gets walked all over.

I always swore that "when I have kids..." mine would NOT act like a bunch of heathenistic monsters who don't listen and embarrass their mothers while grocery shopping. Yea, so much for THAT statement. My kids are HUMILIATING to take shopping, they are disrespectful to the tenth degree and don't listen to a word I say. In addition, I had them so close because Will and his sister Kim are 18 months apart and grew up as best friends and still are close. That as well didn't happen. Kydrun and Jade would kill each other if given the opportunity; toss Brylin into the mix and one side always outnumbers the other depending on who kisses up to her the best.

I think being a single parent is unfair. It's unfair to me, it's unfair to them. Children need a mom AND a dad in their lives to tuck them in, to spank their bottoms when they're naughty, to play wrestle-mania or to read books. Without both parents in their lives, they are short-sided and get only one side of a fantastic whole. I'm frustrated that my children won't listen to me. I've been asking for two days for them to just clean their rooms. I've been TELLING them all day today. I've been threatening for the last hour. What are they doing? I can hear Kydrun playing swords and I can hear the girls in Jade's room playing pet-shops. What can I do? Even when I do come down like a hammer, they don't budge and all it does is make them afraid of me and makes me madder that they don't listen. I know myself well enough to know that if allowed, my anger would take control and I would/could do serious damage to my children which I am not willing to do. So instead, I sit here with MY work done, trying to nurse a headache made worse by the fact that the three of them just simple don't give a damn about anything that comes out of my mouth and try to find a currency that will make them want to listen. I have 6 bags of their toys in the storage unit because they won't clean them up. I've cleaned up 4 bags at a time once and then like a complete gumby gave them back to them to put away. That oddly worked, but I am actually the one who cleaned the room.

*sigh* I hate being a single parent.