Bed-Invader/Resolution

Bed-Invader had another night terror. Took me 10 mins to wake her up. She kept screaming & waving her hand "I'M RIGHT HERE!" When I finally got her awake she couldn't calm down & finally "I want Daddy!" I am eternally grateful for a Daddy who answers his phone at 2am on the... 2nd ring & calms his little girl down in two breaths. It's not ideal, but it's perfect for what it is. Thank you Will for being such a good Dad.

Despite how angry and frustrated I was at him, he's still a good dad. What he does on his time is none of mine (or anyone else's really) business and being without him here, and being in charge of my kids is my reality and I need to stop whining about it and deal with it. All of these years I've wanted him to rescue me, to discipline because I'm weak, fix things because I thought I lacked the ability. None of this true. I do not need him to rescue me, I do not need him to step in to discipline the kids and I can fix things on my own. In fact, expecting him to discipline them is highly unfair to him because when he comes over to see them, that's what ends up being their visits. I AM strong enough to do this with or without him. I am very, very blessed in that the relationship that Will and I have is as good as it is. We could fight, argue, hate each other, spew venom at every opportunity. But we don't. We enjoy being around each other because we are fairly good friends. I still harbor a lot of feelings, good and bad, and I believe he harbors some resentment he's not even sure he's carrying around. But for the most part, we don't fight in front of the kids, or about the kids, or about anything really, except money and we've been doing that since we got married so why change, eh? We can go places together with the kids, a luxery that not many people have in their divorce. The trick I need to learn is to suck it up when it gets hard and stop blaming him for it (even though it was his fault! ;))

Our difficult day ended beautifully. The kids got the house clean, WITHOUT HIM HERE, we rented a movie, popped popcorn and just had a nice quiet evening.