Great Week!

So this week has been fantastic on my way to my Year!!

On Tuesday my sister and I joined Weight Watchers together. This will/has proven to be a difficult thing for me because as I discussed before I am, as my friend Ruth called me, an "unintentional anorexic". Forcing myself to eat 3 meals is hard, and I have been practically 100% unsuccessful to date. On the upside of this, I discovered this week WHY eating is so difficult for me. I get sick every time eat, and I mean SICK. Sometimes I throw up, I get horrible stomach cramps and sharp pains and other less glamorous symptoms. It's awful. The cure for this? Don't eat. I hadn't made the connection before now. With WW, I my "points goal" is 32 which is based on my current weight, age, height, lifestyle etc... My "goal" is actually to EAT 32pts worth of food, not cut out to get DOWN to 32pts. My body can't lose if my metabolism is completely shut down, which it currently is because of my unintentional anorexia.

Wednesday I made an "executive decision" and fell completely off the wagon. For breakfast, which was actually lunch, I ate a piece of chocolate cake which my visiting teacher brought over to me since I've been sick. Come to think of it, I might have eaten two. I had another piece of cake for "lunch" and then at some point during the day I purchased a 20oz bottle of Dr.P, the first I'd had since Sunday. I drank only 3/4 of the soda because I forgot it was sitting there. It didn't do much for me, wasn't like I'd been in a desert without water for a week when I drank it. I also had a Subway sandwich, a Subway melt on flatbread which is bacon, ham, turkey, cheese and whatever else you put on it. It's my favorite and it's fattening.

On Thursday I had to wake up at 6:30 and force myself to eat breakfast, not only because of my "points" for weight watchers, but also because I was scheduled for an endoscopy that day and had to fast for it. About 10 minutes after eating 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter and a cup of milk I was sick... a lot sick, again. Normally, I just wouldn't have eaten, and it wouldn't have been a big deal, but on Thursday morning I went down to my friend, Elizabeth's salon to have some sort of detox wrap done where she wrapped me up like a roll of cookie dough in saran wrap and let me sit for an hour. I lost 8 inches over all, and even lost some inches in my "cankles" which I was happy about. This wrap, being what it is, requires you drink a lot of water and eat so you don't get faint or light blood sugar. My timing on doing everything I do is always off, I do stuff like fast and get a detox wrap all the in same day all the time. Anyway, when I got home from the wrap and fell apart because I'm a big emotional baby I decided that since I wasn't going to be feeling up to it after my procedure, I'd get some walking in to hopefully work off that 10lbs of cake I ate the day before. So I walked to the hospital, which took me 25 minutes, was pretty much all uphill and about 1.5-2 miles from my house (I forgot to measure the distance). Walking to the hospital at 2pm on a day when the temperature was 100 or close to, when I've been fasting since 6:30 and just had who knows what sucked out of me with the wrap was not my wisest decision but I felt great when I got there. I got to the hospital in enough time to cool myself down and rest a bit and my legs were tingly and twitchy, which I love the feeling of. I need to learn to walk so that my hands don't swell up and fall asleep though. I tried the "speed walking" technique where I keep them up, but it just didn't feel right, so I quit. At the "procedure" they discovered I have an ulcer! YIPEE!! My enthusiasm is only halfway sarcastic. I am actually EXCITED to know what is wrong with me. I finally know why I am sick every time I eat, why I am in pain and nauseous all the time!! FINALLY!! It seems there are several reasons why I could have this ulcer so I have some habits to change (stress and worry over nothing, taking 2000mgs of ibuprofen on an empty stomach before I go to bed). After my appointment my Daddy took me "home", which to him means my original home, and he took care of me for the rest of the evening. Mom came home at some point and made a fabulous dinner of crab/cream cheese won ton's fried in oil and the best egg rolls you'll ever have, also fried in oil. Not good for the points or the waist line, but they tasted GREAT and I ate a ton. Dad brought me home and I was sick for the rest of the night. Ug!

Yesterday I didn't have breakfast, or lunch I don't think ... Yeah, I'm pretty sure I didn't eat at all until I went out to dinner with my friend Kari. I had one glass of Dr.P, another executive decision. Then we went to a party, which was lame as hell despite the fact that I met a very good looking and sweet guy named Thomas.

So here we are now, Saturday morning. I went to bed after 3 this morning and was up with a stomach ache at about 7. I'm so tired my eyes are burning but I can't go back to sleep. I took my medication for the ulcer and now I'm trying to force myself to eat a yogurt but even the spoon hitting my tongue makes me gag. Why is this so difficult?! How can I weight 240lbs and hate eating as much as I do?! Stomach ache is also not improving despite the medication today.

I made some discoveries at the grocery store at 2am this morning. Normally, I buy white Western Family "sandwich" bread, this time I went for the "100% Whole Wheat" sandwich bread also made by Western Family. Because I'm trying to read labels and be more aware of my caloric intake, and now the caloric intake for my family, I compared labels. I discovered that there are 50 more calories in the "wheat" bread and 15% of them are from FAT. The main ingredients are the same being "Enriched whole wheat flour". I decided to stick with the white bread because the calories are lower for the kids but found some fun new things for me. They are Oroweat Sandwhich Thins 100% whole wheat; 100 calories each. No high fructose corn syrup, no trans fat. They look like flat, wheaty hamburger buns. I also compared the Yoplait light yogurt to the regular and found that there is, if I remember right in my exhaustion, 50 calories less in the light and there's 0 from fat. So I stuck with the light. I'll have to get my book and list how many points I'm eating. I'm a 3/4 of the way through my yogurt... it's taken me 45 minutes.

Today I'm going to get some walking in. I've got two of my three kids back from their vacation. Jade is still gone, on day 7 today. I've had a fantastic time encouraging my friends in their goals as well. I've got two in particular who are really making an effort on their own and it makes me very happy. Just give us a year!!