Frustration

Today I am struggling, a lot. My friend and her daughter were going to come and play with us today. I told the kids that they need to clean their rooms or our friends cannot come and play. We're working on hour 10 and the work is STILL not done. It would have then them less than 20 minutes if they'd of just done the work. Jade is being so mean and disrespectful. All of them are fighting, hitting, punching each other. They're screaming, yelling, telling me they hate me and each other. I am so frustrated I want to cry. I do not know how to get them listen. I've tried to be nice, I've tried rewards "if the work gets done Brittany can come over", I've tried enforcing punishment by making them stand in the corner for time out, removed the option of Brittany and Kyra's visit ... Nothing is working, at all.

This is a typical day for me. The kids do not listen, they do not care, they fight, argue, scream, yell, ignore me. What is difficult is knowing that my ex is having a nice, quiet day with his girlfriend. They probably went hiking or for a walk. A drive in the canyon or a picnic. Maybe fishing. All the things I begged for him to do with me when we were married and he'd go, just not with me. I always got left home with the kids, just like now. I am so angry I want to call him and yell at him. How fun for him to have a nice quiet weekend without the worry of the children and their chaos. How nice for him to be able to sleep in and not worry about feeding, bathing, disciplining anybody. How nice for him to be able to come over here and visit for a few hours, not have to worry about disciplining them here, making them clean, making them obey, and then leave at the end of the night, leaving me to bathe and chase them into bed 100 times. It's unfair. He is planning a trip to Alaska with his girlfriend. "Just the first of many" he says. He got pissed off at me because I had the key to a truck that has MY name on it and he wanted it for his girlfriend to borrow it "because she needs to pick something up". I told him that she could come and meet me somewhere and I'd give her the key but I had plans. That wasn't good enough, I had to go out of my way to get the key over there "before 7 because that's too late". Then I found out that the reason she needed the truck was to drive to Jackson Hole, WY (a 6 hour drive) to be with him, after he told me the truck isn't insured and didn't want me just "driving it around". His life is so easy. He complains that he works "so hard" to make sure he pays his child support and alimony ... well la-te-da. He complains that I do not work hard enough because I do not have a job outside the house right now, complained when we were married that I didn't work hard enough to keep the house clean and everything together. He got everything when he walked out. He got his freedom, he's got his girlfriends, often times 2 of them overlap, he's got his weekends, and his ability to sleep in and go to the mountains and go hiking and go the bar to drink ... all he has to do is standard visitation with the kids which he barely does because of his work which he complains he has to do to pay the cs/a and while he is here I am here still disciplining, still cleaning, still cooking, still taking care of everything. Otherwise he's a free man. I, on the other hand, can't go anywhere, not even to my appts with my therapist without the kids unless I PAY a sitter. I spend every day feeding/disciplining/fighting with/bathing/entertaining and taking care of the children. I spend everyday trying to clean up mess after mess and laundry that never stops. He doesn't come here unless it's convenient for him and his girlfriend. He leaves if there's a better offer. Like last Friday. He knew I had plans to go out BEFORE he left for Lava, yet I still ended up worrying about getting a sitter at the last minute. The reason? Because he had a better offer from his girlfriend. Instead of spending the time he has available to him with his kids, he ditches them to be with her. Now she's going out of town and he wants to come and see them. I'm selfish and I'm angry. I want him to go away and never come back. I want him to just go live his selfish life and leave us alone. He wants to be a bachelor, he wants to go to the bars, go be with his girlfriends, go spend his money, his time and his effort on them. I'm tired of the kids being an afterthought, a fun place to hang out when he's not got better things to do. I am so frustrated, so angry, and so very, very tired of this.