Awake

Oh I need to sleep!

I love my children, all 9 germ infested one of them.  I've been lying here trying to pretend I'm on my deathbed for the last couple of days, it's been awesome fun.  To prevent my nose from running and the constant wiping and sore nose that inevitably follows, I've taken to shoving toilet paper up my nose.  Between that and the "sicky smell", the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, whining etc... It's a wonder my Sweetheart hasn't moved out. I'm sick of me, I can't imagine how he isn't. 

It's been a long couple of weeks.  Since my Sweethearts fantastic ex got her visitation suspended, we haven't had our every other weekend "re-coup" time.  It's been hard.  I am completely in love with my kids though.  Normally, well, not normally, but historically when I couldn't sleep like this I'd clean.  I'd do laundry, dishes, vacuum the ceiling ... all sorts of things.  But as I laid here contemplating what I could do in these unwanted waken moments at 3:30am, I have absolutely nothing to do.  The kids are so good about doing their chores, helping out with dinner, doing their own laundry.  They're just an amazing bunch of little people and I am sure proud of them. 

So this being sick thing has wreaked havoc in my "diet".  I don't feel good enough to eat anything, so I've gone several meals without eating.  I had McDonalds breakfast today though.  I weighed myself, at some point I can't remember exactly when it was in the last couple of days, it's all been fairly hazy.  I gained a pound this week.  Not too shabby given the number of times I've not eaten or shoved donuts down my gullet.  Not sure what my thing is with the donuts ... weird choice of cheat foods.  It's all good.  I'm on the mend and tomorrow is another day. 
I am still not ready to tell my "truth".  I told the one person whose opinion means just about as much as my Sweethearts.  She took it well, as I knew in my heart she would.  She was supportive and helpful and cheerleaderish as always.  I sure love that woman and am grateful everyday for her.  She's my most favoritest red-head alive ... and I have a lot of favorite red-heads so that is saying something. 

I've sort of lost steam for my new "lifestyle" the last week or so.  It just seems that my life is so busy that it's just easier to eat out of a box than focus on what I am serving.  I think what's got me frustrated is that I am preparing one food for me and another for my family.  I don't like knowing that I am feeding them foods that might potentially lead them down the same path that I took.  My poor Jade is shaped just like her Mama ... she's not heavy by any stretch, but she is extremely curvy and if she's not careful, those curves will just get curvier.  My 13 year old is also unfortunate on the genetic scale.  She's 5'9"and nothing but legs and a fantastic curvy body.  Other than her height, she is shaped like I imagine her mother is (I've only ever seen her mother once standing up and she is quite heavy at this point).  Aurora has a fantastic set of hips and is shapely and gorgeous, but that fantastic set of hips can be her undoing if she's not careful.  The rest of the kids all seem to have a genetic predisposition to being thin w/ high metabolisms.  It just takes planning.  For instance, last week I made sloppy joes.  Easy enough, I bought 95/5 ground beef, multigrain thin sandwich things (it's too early in the morning for me to recall what they are actually called) for the buns and then... whammo... the sloppy joe mix.  One of the first ingredients on it was high fructose corn syrup, ERK.  I hate feeding that crap to my kids.  With better planning I could have made my own sloppy joe mix.  I really need to just stop being lazy and plan.

It's nearly 4am.  I have to get up in a couple of hours because we're going to go have a meeting w/ a woman at a place called Autism Journeys.  We suspect Jade has aspergers (sp).  If not, we need to do some further work to find out exactly what her deal is.  It's going to be a very long day.  I guess I better go get some sleep.