Temptation

Couple of different things happened today:

I was browsing my "Recipes" folder on Pintrest in hopes of finding something to feed the kids tomorrow night that I might also be able to enjoy.  I found a huge, huge amount of sugary recipes that looked mouthwateringly delicious.  I scrolled slowly through them going "Ohhh, that looks so good" "Oh I want that!" even though I wasn't feeling hungry.  It was all just so yummy looking!  I decided Pintrest is not my diet friend.  In Pintrests defense however I did find several recipes I pinned that were for healthy breakfasts like pancakes made out of banana's, eggs & almond milk, or butter, I can't remember.  It'll be nice to have those when I get sick of the egg whites.  I am slightly tempted to delete all of the unhealthy recipes but I am not sure I could bring myself to do it.

Something else I did today was buy a Dr. Pepper.  I was out shopping for snow clothes for my teenagers and oh my heck they were stressing me out!!  While we were checking out I went to one of those coolers by the cashiers, grabbed a DP and bought it against my Sweethearts encouragement that I didn't really want it.  YES I DID! GRRRRRRR!!!  By the time we got to the van I had settled down slightly & decided that I was not going to drink it unless I was close to homicide.  Despite having to go to 3 more stores to find the snow clothes & the kids driving me crazy, I never opened it.  I brought it in the house and set it on the counter.  I didn't put it in the fridge because then it would be cold when I had a craving or a temper tantrum ... This way I won't be tempted to drink that particular one unless it's cold, which will give me time to figure something else out. 

I found this little ecard on Pintrest in my Exercise/Motivation board.  Sure wish I could actually feel this way.  All I can think is "I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!"  I want to buy cute clothes, I want to be able to wear a pair of super cute boots, which I currently can't because my calves are so gigantic.  I want to not have a double chin that my dog LOVES to nip at.  I want to be thinner than my husband.

I wish I could feel like I am awesome despite the size of my waist or butt.

I *DO* have a strong and capable body and a loving and passionate soul.  I believe all of these things, but even as I look at this picture of this beautiful woman I think to myself "I wish I looked that good".

I am going to be brave tonight.  I am going to go to the store & buy a measuring tape, have my Sweetheart take my measurements and take "before" pictures.  I may not post them, but I might.  I am not sure I could handle actually posting them.  I appreciate & look up to women who can/do.  I just am not sure I am that brave.  I am so self conscious all of the time and putting all of me out there would be so difficult.  So I'll give it some thought, some time.